He/They
A Discussion of Pronoun Usage
There is a category mistake in the way many people use English pronouns.
A category mistake is when you present something as though it were in one category when it really belongs to another category. Asking “How much does a shadow weigh?” makes a category mistake because shadows are not objects with mass. Shadows are not the sort of things that can have weight. There is a category mistake behind the question, “What are your preferred pronouns?” The category mistake with pronouns is that pronouns are not the sort of thing that you can prefer.
Let me explain.
At the beginning of one semester at my university, I was asked by a professor what my preferred pronouns were. I answered honestly: I do not have preferred pronouns. The reason I do not have preferred pronouns is that, in the English language, pronouns are sex-based. They are linked to your biological sex, not your gender. In fact, it is the pronouns themselves that have gender: masculine, feminine, and neuter. I am a man, which means I am adult human male. Therefore, my third-person pronoun is “he.”
Notice that I did not use the modern convention “he/him/his.” This is because it would be redundant to do so. It is redundant because “him” and “his” are the exact same word as “he.” “Him” is “he” in the third-person, singular, accusative case (it is also how “he” is written in the dative case); “his” is in the third-person, singular, genitive (possessive) case. In each case, the exact same word is used. It has just been conjugated based on its grammatical function in the sentence. If I say “I saw him,” I am using “him” in the accusative case. I did not say “I saw he” because “he” is in the nominative case. Note that how I use and write pronouns is constrained by the rules of English grammar.
You can, of course, violate the rules of English grammar if you wish. It is not considered rude to say “Him saw she giving an apple to his,” and there are certainly no laws against doing so. However, English grammar has rules for a reason. The rules are not there to limit our freedom. The rules are there to make communication clear and coherent. The reason you cannot say “Him saw she giving an apple to his” is not because it’s illegal or immoral (it’s neither of those!). The reason you cannot say it is that it is nonsense. You have not succeeded in communicating a clear idea. You have failed to communicate well.
The (Mis)use of “They”
It has become a common colloquial convention to refer to a single individual as “they” when the sex of the person is unknown (note: I am using “sex” and not “gender” because English pronouns are sex-based). This is not appropriate, because “they” is a third-person plural pronoun. “They” refers to more than one person, whereas “he” or “she” refers to a single individual. This is both descriptive and prescriptive. It is descriptive because it describes how the words actually function in a sentence, and it is prescriptive because any plural pronoun ought to refer to a plural as a matter of natural (in this case, grammatical) law.
I can say, “They are my parents,” or “I saw them walking together,” or “Their house is big enough for all seven of them.” I cannot say, “They are a fireman,” because a group of people cannot be one fireman. I can say “They are firemen,” because “firemen” is plural. In English, pronouns and their antecedents (the words they point to) must agree in person, number, and gender.
The pronouns must align with their (here I note the hilarity of using the plural pronoun to refer to a plurality of pronouns) antecedents because this makes what a person is saying more clear and easy to understand. If I say something like, “I saw Bob get into his car,” I know the car belongs to Bob. If I say, “I saw Bob get into their car,” this implies that the car does not belong to Bob, but instead to multiple people. If I say, “Alice likes Bob, but does not love him,” I know that Alice has no romantic affections towards Bob. If I say, “Alice likes Bob, but does not love them,” the sentence becomes more confusing. First, we have not been told anything about “them” because “them” does not have a grammatical antecedent (meaning, grammatically, “them” literally can’t refer to Bob). Second, the meaning becomes obfuscated. Why did I suddenly start talking about a mysterious “them?” I was talking about Bob, and then I pivoted to talking about “them” seemingly out of nowhere.
So, you might ask, what pronoun ought we use when referring to an individual whose sex is unknown? You may do a few things. If the individual is merely hypothetical, you can just make up her sex (like I just did right now). You can also just guess at her sex, since you have a 50% chance of getting it right on the first guess. If the individual is a logical construct, you can even use “one” in lieu of a pronoun (e.g.: “One does not simply walk into Mordor”). There is one option that is less popular nowadays due to cultural tides shifting, but it is still useful: you can use what is called the generic “he.”
The Generic “He”
The generic “he” has the appearance of being a masculine pronoun, since “he” is a sex-based pronoun used for males. However, when a pronoun’s antecedent may be either male or female (either because the gender is unknown, or doesn’t matter, or is purely hypothetical), writers will sometimes use the masculine pronoun “he” as a placeholder. This is the generic “he.” Here are some examples:
Everyone should know his constitutional rights.
If anyone calls upon the name of the Lord, he will be saved.
If someone offers you unwanted advice, you may tell him “No, thank you.”
There are some writers who believe that this generic use of the masculine pronoun ignores or even excludes females. I do not think this is true. First, we have already established that this is a generic pronoun. It follows a fortiori that the antecedent can refer to either sex, since the gender of the antecedent is unspecified. That means it cannot exclude women — it implicitly includes women. Second, there is nothing stopping anyone from using a generic “she.” I do this myself from time to time, including in academic papers for university. Dr. John Lennox of Oxford University also uses the generic “she” in his published work occasionally. It is a perfectly useful device whether one uses “he” or “she.”
However, if you absolutely despise this generic usage of gendered pronouns, fear not! You have options. Consider these alternatives:
Everyone should know his or her constitutional rights. This one is fine, but it can become awkward if it is repeated multiples times.
All people who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. This is a good revision. It eliminates the issue entirely by not using pronouns at all, and it is as inclusive as can be, without being clumsy or wordy.
When people offer you unwanted advice, you may tell them, “No, thank you.” Here, the antecedent (people) is plural, so the third-person plural pronoun “them” is entirely warranted and very clear.
Is Nok a Grammar Nazi?
Oh, gosh, I hope not! Of course you may speak however you wish, even if it is grammatically incorrect. Even I occasionally end sentences with a preposition (“Where’s that at?”) or split an infinitive (“to boldy go where no man has gone before”). I’m certainly not going to correct you while you’re speaking to me and demand that you adhere strictly to the rules of grammar. However, when it comes to correct pronoun usage, I really do think clarity is important, which is why I must insist that we use pronouns like “he” and “they” properly. It is not because I am a Grammar Nazi. It is because I want to make sure that I understand you properly, and I do not wish to derail conversations by having to constantly ask whether you mean one person or multiple people when using “they.”
Part of the reason this problem exists, I think, is because English used to have grammatical gender, must like Spanish and French do, but has since lost it over the centuries. Old English had masculine, feminine, and neuter nouns, pronouns, and adjectives, but these features of the language disappeared over time. Now, English retains its grammatical gender only in its pronouns, which is probably why most English speakers don’t realize how or why this phenomenon is even an issue. In modern English, only living things have gender, and gender is only communicated through pronouns. In a language like Greek, everything has a gender, and it is communicated through its nouns, pronouns, adjectives, and even its articles (a/an/the in English). In other words, the current pronoun debate is a markedly Anglocentric phenomenon. This debate is only taking place in English-speaking regions. Everywhere else, the matter has already been settled. In fact, it was never a debate to begin with.
Is Nok Transphobic for Insisting on Proper Pronoun Usage?
Of course not. Transphobia is a meaningless word.